Not to brag, but I finally found a lesson I could do in one sitting! Had to do some talking with myself because I had to figure out what I was doing that was interfering with my creative self-care goals. Then I had to decide what I was able to commit to discontinuing.

4 Dec 2017

I really appreciated the concept of moving closer to my goals, rather than jumping in and living them. Of course I do hope to live them. I also know that my “best laid schemes” have a tendency to “gang aft agley.”

Right off, I spotted one of my weaknesses: the time factor. I wasn’t worried about supplies because I’ve been through that one. I’m pretty comfortable with the things I use.

Time and space are more an issue for me. I have a nice studio that I rarely use. When I get myself to use it I’m really happy about that. But it’s in a separate part of the house with separate heating (and it’s starting to get too cold to spend much time out there). However, I have a mini creativity station inside.

I like the idea that I can be creative in short bursts. In fact, that’s frequently the case with me. Draw first, color/paint later. That happens a lot. Still, I use time as an excuse. Or, here’s a good one: I need solitude with no interruptions. Ha! You’d have to stay up all night . . . (Well, yeah, I do that too. Do you see me using that time for a lot of art?)

So, time was/is a big issue: a flimsy excuse. It keeps me from committing wholeheartedly.

It’s not the champion though, the real roadblock. Using time as an excuse also isn’t something I can pledge to stop doing.

The real jail I keep myself in is summed up in two words: “I can’t.”

And then I read this beautiful thing Claire said, “‘Getting it together’ and living life on purpose is not effortless.” Please don’t think I’m anti-effort because I am in favor of digging in. However, if I have the idea (mindset, if you will) that something is, or is supposed to be, effortless, or looks effortless at the hands of others, then I think it should be effortless for me too. When it’s not, repeatedly not, even after hours, days, years of me showing up and trying, I start to get the idea that “I can’t.”

I can’t because . . .

  • I lack imagination
  • I lack inspiration
  • I lack originality
  • I lack incentive

That is a lifeless way to live and take creative care of myself. I am committed to “Sue for life—an enjoyable life.” And so, I am committed to eliminating “I can’t” and altering it to “I can.”

  • I can keep doing the same thing over and over
  • I can also try different things, media, approaches
  • I can keep practicing and pushing my boundaries
  • I can borrow inspiration from many sources, as necessary (such as reading motivational books, looking at paintings, asking myself questions . . .)
  • I can remember that, “The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity.” – Thomas Carlyle
  • I can be sincere

Purposeful living requires effort. Pretty sure that’s a fact.

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